Shoe math or come on: Kanye West By Giuseppe Zanotti “Kanye All Over Beads Sandals”

I don’t even longer know, maybe I AM an old prune. Maybe I am not really gettin’ the whole “it” of shoe fashion, maybe I will soon get the same shocked look from my friends as my mom got from me suggesting that I borrow her 3cm heeled (very middle-aged  looking) pumps for a school disco eternities ago (yes, I had a horizontally challenged feet area already then). Maybe I am losing a sense of (at least in my opinion) good taste.

But, for the in-my-book considerable sum of €4 505, in the choice between this:

Kanye All Over Beads Sandals

OR THIS:

Dolce & Gabbana Crystal-embellished satin pumps

PLUS (nope, not another “or”, plus it is) THIS:

Christian Louboutin Asteroid 140 suede and patent-leather pumps

And what the hell, for the additional €35,  these AS WELL, together with the two abovementioned pairs:

Christian Louboutin Maggie Glitter and Snakeskin Platform Pumps

I know what option I would go for, after giving a long giggle about the most expensive beads in the history of man.

But some good shall come from the first creation as well. If Kanye’s quote   “I’m trying to right my wrongs/ But it’s funny the same wrongs help me write this song,” is true, I think we might have a new album coming out soon. The guy can sing,  we all have to give him that.

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Shoe freakin’ fab: Dolce & Gabbana Crystal-embellished Satin Pumps

Unlike this, I would not mind putting my greedy, lusting, shoe-loving fingers on this:

Dolce & Gabbana Crystal-embellished Satin Pumps

Let’s take a look from the other perspective:

Dolce & Gabbana Crystal-embellished Satin Pumps

Holy crap of all magpies. This is one detailed hand back of a shoe. And let’s finish with a picture of the bow, just to see if the perfection remains from a real close-up:

Dolce & Gabbana Crystal-embellished Satin Pumps

Well, yes it does. Fascinated by all the perfect shiny bling, with the eyes of a child on Christmas morning while rushing down the stairs, I start wiping of my chocolate stained fingers to at least touch the screen version of the ultimate shoe perfection.

And the illusion snaps together with the price tag making it into my tunnel vision – £2 646.

Fingers gliding automatically into the cookie box again.

Really people? For something, no matter how beautiful it is and it really really is in this case,that will still be in touch with ground and dirt* on daily basis? What is it made from? Unicorn sprinkled magic dust sewn on by hands of thousands little virgin elves? Seriously, my feet are barely worth that much to me.

* Insert optional adult joke about how these shoes are not for walking but for more pleasurable activities, in the air. And in case you are serious with that, planning to get these shoes out of that only purpose, respect to you, your feet and your vagina.

Shoe classic candy: Sam Edelman Lorissa studded faux-snale pumps

I know that Lorissa pump has been on the market for some time now, in a whole bunch of different colours but I can’t help not liking this one enough for sharing it with you:

Sam Edelman Lorissa studded faux-snake pumps

Sam Edelman Lorissa studded faux-snake pumps

Let’s take a peek where the real action is, shall we:

Sam Edelman Lorissa studded faux-snake pumps

The cold shade of the blue leather almost gives the decoration a wintery feeling, making the studs and rhinestone embellishment look like ice and frost sparkling in the sun. And while I have been muttering over this Winter quite frequently for the past few months, it is obvious that I don’t mind walking into warmer seasons with it on my feet. If you’re ok with that as well, you can find Lorissa at Harvey Nichols.

Shoe shiny fab: Karen Millen Crystal Peep toe pumps

Let’s give a wake-up slap to our inner magpies in the middle of the usual “oh why is it Monday already” weekly life crisis with something shiny and pretty – Karen Millen Crystal Peep toe pumps:

Karen Millen Crystal Peep

Karen Millen Crystal Peep

Classic model, curved edge, 11cm heel and a lot of bling – this is THE shoe you put on when there is some serious “modern Cinderella” time. Thanks to the 3cm hidden platform, there is also a good chance that you will be able to run away at the end of the evening, without leaving one of these babies behind. That would be a real pity considering the price tag of almost £300. It is both easier and cheaper just to hook up with the prince charming next day on Facebook.*

Shoe Loubi Fab: Christian Louboutin Volpi Poppi d’Orsay Pump

Often, being a great shoe designer is not about wild shapes and forms, never before seen creations and removal of essential details of footwear, e.g. heels. Sometimes, it is just about doing the basics, the fundamentals or the current trends a bit better than the majority – something Christian Louboutin masters, as we have seen over and over again through out the years.  Well, here it is again.

Ladies and gents, let me introduce you to  the it-girl of all flowery aspirants of this season’s title:

Christian Louboutin Volpi Poppi d'Orsay Pump

The classical Volpi pump with poppy print fabric – all that is needed to kick-start a wave of shoe cravings.

Worried about the possible clash of colours and the famous red sole? *

Christian Louboutin Volpi Poppi d'Orsay Pump

Looks pretty good to me.

* Of course you don’t. It is a freakin’ Loubi. (Genuine) Red soles never clash.  I just kind of wanted to share the back of the shoe with you as well.

Shoe fab: Giuseppe Zanotti 140mm Suede Sling Back Pumps

Well, life sure is a fickle sometimes. One day, yellow is not my choice of colour, and the next – well hello!

 

Giuseppe Zanotti 140mm Suede Open Toe Pumps

The man who reunited me with slingbacks seems to be arranging a first date with the colour yellow as well. And as long as it shows up with 14cm stilettos, characteristically elegant Zanotti slingback lines and a platform that presents it as totally wearable without breaking your neck- I might put out on the first date. I’ll make sure I wear blood-red nail polish and a summery easy breezy dress to let my legs do all the work (for the outfit people, for the outfit).

Shoe Fab: Gucci Ophelie Two-Tone Open-Toe Pump

Every time shoe designers go for a metal tip heel or any other metallic details in general, their creation goes straight out from the safe-card edge and starts walking the thin line between cheap and edgy-cool.

Although I have seen a couple of examples of the later kind and way to many of the first one, I have rarely seen a metal-heeled shoe with a breeze of elegant movie star beauty around it. That is, until now:

Gucci Ophelie Two-Toned Open-Toe Pump

People, this is how you do a freakin’ metal heel.

And the sublime metallic t-strap. And ankle strap. And the beautiful combination of green, gold and black.

This shoe makes me wanna put on a long satin dress,  wrap a fur cape around my shoulders, splash on way too much eyeliner and walk around all day with a cigar holder in one hand and a glass of bourbon in the other. That is a huge parameter on how much I adore this shoe since I don’t smoke, I don’t wear fur and I am honestly not into bourbon.

Gift Love or what I would call a shoe-orgasm: Christian Louboutin Torero in freakin’ RED

After the last couple of eyesores featured here, let’s take a moment and fill up our visual bellies with a slice of goo goo gaa gaa, wa wa woom, mmmmm and all other appreciating sounds known to a craving simple human being shoes:

 

Torero red, Gift Love edition

 

Gorgeous gorgeous shoes – happy happy belly.

Being the part of Christian Louboutin’s Valentine’s day edition (or unofficially “releasing something awesome in red a couple of days before the pressure to really flaunt our love to our partners by spending money on anything pink, red, fluffy etc etc” ’cause it will fly of the shelves”*) these shoes are long gone from the online store. However, if you yourself another piece of the visual yummy cake (I’ll spare you the sounds this time), you can find the rest of the drool worthy suggestions here.

 

* Mutual respect and love all days of the year as a proof of your love? But it’s Valentine!!

Shoe Fab: Aleksandre Birman Python Court Shoes

Well, let’s heat up the icy and snowy (at least in my part of the world, I don’y know about yours but as always “misery loves company” hoho*) start of a new week with something a bit sexy, shall we?

Just when I start to think that it is time for my friends to do an intervention ’cause the current temperature levels around -20C have killed my shoe-mojo and essence of life (awesome shoes) replacing it with life-long membership in the UGGs-only club, something like this strawls in: :

Aleksandre Birman Python Court Shoes

But wait, there is a bit more, a bit of cherry on this warm beige and brown icecream:

Aleksandre Birman Python Court Shoes

Lovely, lovely indeed. A perfect shoe to make your red or aubergine coloured nailpolish pop and your leg seem superlong without being just another pair of dull nude shoes.

PS: Be assured! “Skins authorized by CITES (cites.org).” I have no idea what that is but the first question to pop in my head was “Did the actual python wearing it authorized it as well?” followed by a cynical laugh.

* Don’t hate me, I am just an overly shoe-interested human being.

Every magpie’s dirty little wet dream: Christian Louboutin Alti 160 spiked metallic leather pumps

Freakin’ wow:

 

Christian Louboutin Alti 160 spiked metallic leather pumps

Look at it. I mean look at it. Let’s pick up and savor every word of this shoe in the mouth, just like small exquisite pieces of handmade candy: Christian Louboutin (mmm a good old favourite, melts great on the tip of the tounge but the taste lasts forever), Alti (well-known, juicy), 160mm (candy that makes our legs look sleeker – amazing), spiked (badass candy) and metallic leather (the magpie is diving in for an attack).

Not convinced? Here is a close up:

Christian Louboutin Alti 160 spiked metallic leather pump

Freakin’ wow.