Ah come on II: Maison Martin Margiela Painted PVC Booties

Sorry people, I know there has been a tad of whining in this blog but the wonderful world of shoes seems very confusing lately.

Maison Martin Margiela Painted PVC Booties

Without even going into the specific details of this, such as $900 price tag or the totally unflattering model or why they just did not go to the shop for another can of black instead of releasing it on the market (they surely must have a trainee or fifteen responsible for crucial tasks like that), the two biggest questions in my head are: How could anybody at any point of time think that this is a good idea? And why?

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Shoe math or come on: Kanye West By Giuseppe Zanotti “Kanye All Over Beads Sandals”

I don’t even longer know, maybe I AM an old prune. Maybe I am not really gettin’ the whole “it” of shoe fashion, maybe I will soon get the same shocked look from my friends as my mom got from me suggesting that I borrow her 3cm heeled (very middle-aged  looking) pumps for a school disco eternities ago (yes, I had a horizontally challenged feet area already then). Maybe I am losing a sense of (at least in my opinion) good taste.

But, for the in-my-book considerable sum of €4 505, in the choice between this:

Kanye All Over Beads Sandals

OR THIS:

Dolce & Gabbana Crystal-embellished satin pumps

PLUS (nope, not another “or”, plus it is) THIS:

Christian Louboutin Asteroid 140 suede and patent-leather pumps

And what the hell, for the additional €35,  these AS WELL, together with the two abovementioned pairs:

Christian Louboutin Maggie Glitter and Snakeskin Platform Pumps

I know what option I would go for, after giving a long giggle about the most expensive beads in the history of man.

But some good shall come from the first creation as well. If Kanye’s quote   “I’m trying to right my wrongs/ But it’s funny the same wrongs help me write this song,” is true, I think we might have a new album coming out soon. The guy can sing,  we all have to give him that.

Shoe poetry: Jimmy Choo Hazel Haircalf Platform Wedges

Oh Jimmy Chooo

I love youuuu

But this can’t doooo

 

Jimmy Choo Hazel Platform Wedges

My eyes got a flue

By seeing this shoe

That makes me blue

So off I go for a cookie or two

 

A shoe-girl’s brainfreeze: Irregular Choice Cant Touch This

A lot of words could be used but honestly Irregular Choice pump with the slightly playing-hard-to-get name “Cant Touch This” awakes only one reaction in me:

Irregular Choice Cant Touch This

Don’t need to.

 

 

 

 

A shoe girl’s brainfreeze: Acne Julie Silk Shop

If there was a bit of doubt about the previous shoe, my mind is crystal clear today:

Acne Julie Silk Pump

I don’t give a shizzle about how in or creative or avant garrrrrde Julie might be, looking at it makes me wanna kickstart an evil master plan to collect each and one of these that actually slip into all enthusiastic Scandinavian fashion bloggers’ homes (unfortunately they will, they are Acne), start a huge bonfire and dance around it like crazy in pure joy that this will never be seen by humanity again.*

* Of course, I would have to stay untill the end. Don’t want one of these little suckers barely getting out, crawling into bushes while I am having a “glad we worked that out” hug with my partner in crime, generating a highly qualitative sequel e.g. “The revenge of the blue impractical satin slipper a là Aladin”

A shoe-girl’s brainfreeze: Viktor&Rolf Open Toe Ruffle Platform Pumps

Wow.

Viktor&Rolf Open Toe Platform Pumps

In animal world, this pump is a weird and almost unknown to man kind fish specimen that has managed to survive since the dinosaur era. It lives deep down at the bottom of dark waters and hunts by standing really still, pretending to be a rock and blending in. When an innocent pray swims by the shoe-fish just opens its ruffled gap and let the poor thing meet its destiny. Act of nature. Survival of the fittest in its purest form etc.

Would I like my foot to be that innocent pray?

Don’t think so.

Giuseppe Zanotti No Heel Crystal-Studded Sandal

Dear Giuseppe, I love you. After almost 25 years of frosty relations, you are the man who brought back harmony between me and slingbacks. Over and over again. Sure, we are not in love but we are talking on regular basis, and that is big in my book.

I also think it is great that you have implemented “Take Your Child to Work Day”. Cudos to you. But providing those kids with a glue gun,a bag of M&Ms and a bunch of shiny crap in different shapes and colours and let them go loose on a pair of shoes that are actually released on the market later?

Giuseppe Zanotti No Heel Crystal-Studded Sandal

Ballsy. Ballsy indeed.

PS1: The description of the abovementioned shoe over at Neiman Marcus starts with “Suspend your disbelief”. Not possible.

PS2: The same description ends with (bla bla) “…complete the whimsical statement”. Hmmm… Maybe I take myself way too seriously but has there ever been a situation in your lives when you wanted to make a whimsical statement? With your footwear?  “Damn! I made way too un-whimsical impression with these shoes! What will people think??” Ever happened to you? Anybody?

Viktor&Rolf Lasered Nappa Sandals

Viktor&Rolf Lasered Nappa Sandals

Oh honey, I totally understand you. At this time of year, it is easy to become a bit sensitive about the consequences of all Christmas and New Year festivities, fatty food and alcohol – increased padding around the waist. Nevertheless, trying to conceal the fact that none of your pants fit anymore by wrapping yourself in a shower-curtain  and topping it off with a bow is not a solution to your problems. No, baby, not even on a really bad day.

PS1: You can find the shoes here.

PS2: Can somebody please explain the reason behind the spicy price tag of €562 to me? Material and/or craftmanship are not on the list of acceptable explanations.

Miss KG Roxy Platform Heeled Sandal

If there ever comes out an adult special edition of screwed-up Barbie, where things with Ken have gone terribly wrong and she has to make the ends meet by stripping, acessorized with a pink body fish-net stocking, matching bag and a sparkly stripping pole, Miss KG Roxy could represent the footwear of the concept perfectly:

Miss KG Roxy Platform Heeled Sandal

Candy cute, seriously heffed up.

Kobi Levi “Blow”

While I was a bit indecisive in the previous post, this creation leaves me quite speechless:

Kobi Levi Blow

What to say to describe our feelings about this?

Pervert?

Doggy-style lover’s ultimate shoe?

Pervert?

An ode to anal sex?

Pervert? I know I am sounding like a broken record but who else would actually pay to have two plugged asses as last visual impression when leaving a room?

Fortunately, the shoes are a part of Kobi Levi’s footwear art* which means that they are not in production. Yet at least.  Let’s just hope Minna Parikka does not sniff this fellow up.

*For some more totally wacky and creative shoes, you can check in his blog!